A sledgehammer to the heart: the last lines on "Adolescence"

If you haven’t watched Netflix’s Adolescence yet, consider this your spoiler warning—but trust me, these spoilers might be worth it.

If you have seen it, you probably remember the second-to-last scene. Or maybe you don’t—because, let’s be real, you might have been sobbing too hard to catch it. In that moment, Jamie’s parents, looking at their daughter, have this quiet but devastating exchange:

Dad: "How did we make her?"

Mom: "The same way we made him."

Oof! There goes the comforting illusion that good parenting guarantees good outcomes.

The achievement grind culture has perpetuated the half-truth that good effort leads to good outcomes; that you get out what you put in. It's a deceptively simple, often comforting formula that can be applied to athletics, academics, leadership, etc. For many of you, this might have been the golden rule to succeeding in life. 

So often, I sit across the table from parents despairing over the reality that when it comes to raising a human, this sentiment melts faster than a snow cone in hell. 

For a lot of parents, this show taps into a fear that’s hard to say out loud: What if I do everything right, and it still isn’t enough? What if I read the books, follow the expert advice—down to the exact tone I use when saying “I love you”—and my kid still struggles? Still loses their temper? Still goes down a path I can’t stop?

There’s nothing more crushing than realizing that parenting isn’t a simple equation where effort guarantees outcome. Because if that’s true, then what’s left?

The show doesn’t offer an easy answer, because in real life, there isn’t one.

What I'm about to say might cost me some colleagues, but we're keeping it raw here. You know what I think is the real reason for the high turnover among child therapists? Most therapists say it’s the parents (not me—I love you all!). But I don’t think that’s quite  it. I think it’s because child development—more than any other aspect of the human experience—never has an easy answer. Ever. And yet, nowhere else do we feel more pressure to find one; to the point where we delude ourselves into creating "easy" solutions. 

Most of us who’ve been in child therapy long enough—especially those of us who work with kids who have big feelings—have learned something that’s hard to swallow: There’s no magic fix. And the toughest part of my job? Helping parents accept that.

But here’s what I know: The second parents stop chasing the impossible “easy answer” and start meeting their child where they actually are, things shift. Not overnight. Not perfectly. But in a way that finally starts to feel real. In a way that helps. And for a lot of my most successful cases, this has been the thing—the quiet, unexpected turning point that changed everything.

If you’re the kind of parent who stays up at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if this show just put your worst fear into words—if you’re questioning whether your child’s outbursts mean something bigger, something scarier—then let me say this: You’ve found the right person to help.

I don’t do quick fixes, and I won’t feed you parenting platitudes. What I will do is help you make sense of what’s happening, help you breathe again, and help you find a way forward that actually works for your kid.

If that’s what you need, let’s talk. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

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